I’ve been told that the best way to start something is to jump right in.
That has never been easy for me.
I’m not sure why.
I was born in an era where “children were seen and not heard”…maybe I took that too much to heart. It could be my baptist upbringing…smile and act like everything is great.
I have always been afraid to say what I’m thinking. This has been to my advantage on many occasion, I must admit. But then there are the times when I feel I have let opportunity slip by me, and its too late to speak up. I have always envied the person with the quick response, whether wit or sarcasm.
I was married to a verbal abuser/alcoholic for 26 years. He took his life. I wonder how different our marriage would have been if I had not been afraid…if I had spoken up…refused to take his abuse? Maybe he wanted me to stand up to him. Maybe he would still be alive if I had. These are just a few thoughts and questions that I will never have the answer to this side of heaven.
I have come to know that what he did was not my fault. I knew it all along, but there are times when the devil whispers in my ear awful things that cause doubts to creep in. Suicide is like an atomic bomb, and the fall out seems to never end.
Thankfully Jesus is always with me. He hears my cries and quickly comes to easy my doubts and fears.
What an awesome God I have!