Letting Go

Household 46

Once you lose someone you love in a tragic way, the thought of losing another is horrifying. At least that has been my experience.

My children were having to live with a mother that was crazy scared of something awful happening to them.

The three of us went to Cabo San Lucas last year for vacation. It was the first time I had been “in charge” of all the planning.  We had been to Cabo many times before, but my husband always handled it all. Now I was a nervous wreck, worrying about everything…just name it.

We got to our resort, checked in, everything went just perfect.  We changed into our suits and off to the beach we went. I started to relax and enjoy the warm January weather.

On the way back to our room after dinner, my son announced that he was going to find some amigos and amigas. I didn’t want him going out, it was ten o’clock, and like I said before, I had this awful fear that something bad would happen. When I asked him to stay in the resort, he promptly reminded me that he was 22 years old, so off he went. He met some wonderful young people his age and they had a great time hanging out in the resort.

I have to tell you, the fear I was feeling was crushing.  I prayed.  I calmed down.  Then God spoke to me, calm and clear as can be.  He said, “He’s mine, I’ve got him”.  I let go.

The next day, I explained to my kids what I had been going through.  They understood, they were just as worried about losing their only remaining parent.  I told them about God calming me down, and I promised to let go and start putting things in God’s hands where they belong.

Believe me, I have been tested more than I like to admit over this.  But I can testify that I am getting better at it every day.  God is good.

We will go back to Cabo someday…or they just might go without me.  That’s fine too.

Mexico
The trip was bittersweet…just six months after the tragedy. This is us at my daughter’s favorite restaurant La Golondrina, where the mariachi band played their dad’s favorite Mexican song …we only know it as “one ton tomato”

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6 Responses to Letting Go

  1. Debbi says:

    I can reply! Good job Trace.

  2. NANCY says:

    iT IS HARD TO LET GO, BECAUSE WE JUST DONT UNDERSTAND THIS CIRCLE OF LIFE..BUT gOD DOES…WE FORGET THAT HE IS ALWAYS WITH US, NO MADDER WHAT…BUT THE MOTHER IN US SEE THINGS DIFFERNT…..SO LIKE THE SPARROW YOU ARE, THEY ALL FLY AWAY SOME DAY…..BUT JUST REMEMBER gOD IS THIER….

  3. Another GREAT post! You are a really good communicator Tray! Keep it up!! Love ya!

    • NANCY says:

      LOVE YOU TRACY….YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER, I JUST CANT WAIT TILL I SEE YOUR POST…I JUST READ A BOOK CALLED’ THE SNOW CHILD’…IT WAS ABOUT DEATH, SAD ,LOVING, HAPPY, MYSTICAL….WE WILL CONCORE ALL OF THIS…IN GODS TIME……

  4. Jan says:

    Tracey, I am loving reading your writings! You sure got it “write” in this one. It is a hard journery after losing your mate. The suddeness of being alone and having to handle all that you did not have to worry about before is overwhelming. It is a unique path to walk. But I look back and see God’s Hand in every day. I am amazed to read my journal entries! There was actually words of praise the day after I lost my husband. God is good and God is great!

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